So is it really true that we're all being kidnapped here by a rogue AI, or are certain people just feeding me a line of bull end-product? Or perhaps I could just speak to anybody who supposedly "knows" me, if I've allegedly been here for the better part of a year. Come on, then, let's hear it. I want independent confirmation ( Read more... )

[Voice post:]

One year.

One whole entire three-hundred and sixty-five day year.

A whole smegging year, and you lot still haven't shown me where the bloody British Embassy is ( Read more... )

Now before anybody says anything regarding this, I just want to go on record as saying that the accident was clearly not my fault. It was the damn road crews, they were at fault for not clearing the roads during the blizzard last week. I'm thinking of bringing suit, I really am. There needs to be some accountability around here, after all ( Read more... )

[Somebody was stupid. Very. Stupid. Somebody decided to go Christmas shopping in the middle of a nasty blizzard. Somebody doesn't really know how to drive in the snow. Somebody has just had a one-car accident ( Read more... )

[A new post hits the network around 12:00 Eastern standard time. It is coming from the Comm labeled as Raven's, but it is most certainly not Raven's voice coming over the feed ( Read more... )

Second verse, same as the smegging first...I don't understand it! Thirteen years back home, I held the same job just fine. Here, I go through them like vindaloo chicken through Lister's intestinal tract.

All right. I've, once again, lost my job. I, once again, need to acquire a new one.

Resumé on demand, if anybody's hiring, and no, there won ( Read more... )

Quick question!

Which one of you smeggers had the ability to detect lies? Because I think I've figured out what my new power is, and it's rather a bit of fun. Caught one chap lying to me on his driver's license application this morning and had a grand old time getting him, as they say, el busted. Don't mess with the City DMV and Arnold J. ( Read more... )

[Rimmer's quite literally dancing around his flat, shuffling his feet across the floor and gyrating his upper torso around and around, arms waving. All he's got on is a towel around his hips, and his ever-curly hair is wet and lying mostly flat. Somebody just got out of the shower, it would seem. Oh, and the ever-present mark of him being a ( Read more... )

[He mumbles something under his breath just as the camera clicks on, and it sounds like, "...a month today..." before he swings the camera round and peers into it.]

This just keeps getting more and more marvelous every passing day, doesn't it? First, I find out that my past is falling apart faster than Lister's old shorts, and now I find out that ( Read more... )

[Uh oh. Rimmer is...pished. He's just home from work and he's already four sheets to the wind. Plowed. Plastered. Bolloxed. (He's only had three shots...)]

I'm having a bit of an exshistential crisis, O Network.

You see, I'm dead. Dead as a doornail, dead as Pete Rose's career, dead as a dead thing which just sho happens to be dead. I'm a ( Read more... )